We need more of it in our lives

Today was rough.  Well mostly this afternoon.  My morning at work was productive and my pain was staying at a tolerable level.  Thankfully, most of the day the pain has stayed at a tolerable level (thanks to the help of some pain meds, of course).

I received the official procedure date this morning and after eating a quick lunch, called the doctor’s office back for more details and to schedule my pre-surgery visit.  I keep saying that as soon as I get the real date, I’ll be able to breathe; I’ll see the light at the end of the tunnel; the answers to months of questions; the road to pain free days.

Well, that didn’t quite happen today.  Instead I went into the over-thinking; the worrying; the crying; the fear.  It was good that I was on my lunch break but I couldn’t hide from anyone.  I tried sitting on the ground away from the store and had random passerbys ask me where I got my coffee, if I was okay and to smile.  It was great that even those who didn’t know me showed concern, but it didn’t help.  I wanted to hide.  Looking back, I should have walked to my car and hid there.  But when it was time, I gained composure and went back into work.

Sometimes it’s to my benefit and sometimes it hinders me, but I can be read like a book and this was definitely one of those moments.  One of my managers took me out the back door as the water works took over once again.  A few minutes of hugs, talking and support and I was able to get through the rest of my afternoon.

I’m not telling you this for a sympathy vote but because this blog is about my journey through my life and while I like to keep things relatively up-beat and happy, I also want to keep it real.  And these moments of discovering and figuring out what’s going on in my body are real.  And my reactions and emotions (and over-thinking tendencies) are real.

After work was over, pain was still tolerable, additional pain medication was taken and I decided to head over to the yoga studio.  It had been awhile since I’d gone to a class (other than the 20-30 minute podcast sessions I’ve done at home).  I went to Chani’s “Be Here Now” flow which I knew would be challenging and I was okay with that.  Turns out, that was exactly what was needed tonight.

90 minutes later and my legs were shaking.  And as I lay in savasana, I had my first moment where I thought about all of this and it wasn’t fear, negativity or anxiety, but rather “I didn’t think about any of that for the last 90 minutes.  This is exactly what I needed.”  I could breathe again.

The fear is still there; the anxiety is still there.  But in this moment I can breathe and relax and take a more controlled approach to my thinking.  Whether this feeling lasts long or not, doesn’t matter because right now, I’m more at ease.

Yoga is such an amazing thing.

We need more of it in our lives.

I need more of it in my life.

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**After reading my good friend’s blog the other evening, she decided that for the month of November, she’s posting something she’s grateful for; something as simple as a picture or quote or possibly something lengthy.  In the month that we come together and share what we’re grateful and thankful for, there seems to be no better way.  And it’s with that that I have decided to join her.  Will you join us? #gratefulseason

Surfboard Yoga

Happy November!

We’re now officially past Thanksgiving Halloween (good catch Mom!) and time is going to fly through the holiday season; I hope we’re all ready!  I’m still trying to determine my holiday plans but I know I’ll be spending Christmas Day in LA and will probably try to pull together some sort of gathering so no one is left alone.

I haven’t been very good about going to yoga lately.  I’m not okay with this but my schedule has just been so crazy lately that I can’t keep up.  I keep telling myself maybe it’s time to do another 30 Day Yoga Challenge to get myself back into that world and re-ground myself a bit but there’s a certain bit of unknown in the next month that may make it so I wouldn’t be able to complete that challenge.  Therefore, I’m a bit apprehensive to start another challenge.  For now, I’m trying to convince myself to make my way to the studio a few times a week.  I mean, I do pay for it!

When I was walking into the women’s locker room at the gym the other day, I spotted this:

Have you ever heard of surfboard yoga?  Apparently it’s a growing trend to add an extra degree of difficulty and balance to your yoga practice.  (Also known as Paddleboard Yoga.)

While I was standing there watching, one of the girls fell into the water during her sun salutation and had to climb back onto her board, get her balance back and go right into her upward facing dog.  

Watching this play out made me think if I would ever consider trying this?  If you know me, you probably know I’m not one to swim.  I have this insane fear of drowning that probably shows I didn’t allow myself to take enough swim lessons as a kid (I’m sure my parents are reading this going “told you so”).  I’ve had a few people ask me when I’m going to train for a triathlon (WHAT?!) and thankfully I have the swimming excuse to get me through that answer.  But this still looks kind of fun and I love finding new ways to challenge myself in my workout so maybe someday...

(P.S. It’s November 1st and we all know what means - off to the store to get discounted candy!) ;)

Fitness Friday

There was no doubt in my mind that today would be a “rest” day but oh man do I still have this urge to go to the gym or yoga.  Not so much because I feel like I need the physical activity but because I could use the mental release and relaxation it brings me.

I hope to make time tomorrow (if the energy is there) to break a bit of a sweat and relax.

SAT 10/8/11

20 mins abs and stretch

55 mins run w/ warm up and cool down (4.61 miles)

Sun 10/9/11

30 mins abs, legs and stretch

42 mins stationary bike

Mon 10/10/11

90 mins yoga

Tues 10/11/11

25 mins abs and stretch

40 mins run w/ warm up and cool down (3.2 miles)

Wed 10/12/11

90 mins yoga

Thurs 10/13/11

20 mins abs and stretch

30 mins stationary bike

Fri 10/14/11

Rest ** (Well deserved rest!)

It was nice having more yoga in my life this week and really breaking a sweat in most of my workouts.  Some people are afraid of sweating but it gives me a sense of accomplishment in my workouts.  Maybe I’m crazy, but it’s true!

Now it’s time to continue my well deserved rest and get some sleep! ...it doesn’t feel at all like Friday.  Are we sure it actually is?

I.AM.STRONG.

I know you never doubted me (ha!) but sometimes it’s hard to remind ourselves that we are strong.  Especially when standing in Warrior III or Eagle Pose.

Warrior III: Source

Eagle Pose: Source

Balancing poses have never been my strength and that’s something I know and have come to accept.  It’s also one of the things that makes attending different classes more challenging.  (Gigi has great classes - clearly my favorite - and there’s a great variety of balancing and standing poses, yet you’re still being challenged.)

Tonight’s class with Chani was heavy on balancing and tonight that was perfect!  I always know I’m going to get my shakes and sweat on - and it’s awesome.  But as I was finding myself wobbling (especially when my focus drifted to making sure the wobblers next to me weren’t going to topple onto me), I found myself chanting “i.am.strong.i.am.strong.” over and over in my head.

Did I still fall?  Sometimes.  But the difference was that even when I did, I didn’t get down on myself.  These poses aren’t easy and some days, depending on our current circumstance and influence, they’re harder.  And today, they were harder for me.  

But at the end of the day, as I lay my head on my pillow to fall asleep, I know one thing:

I.AM.STRONG.

Happy Day!

Call me crazy but I don’t mind split shifts.  At least ones that give me about 8 hours between the two shifts.

I went in early this morning to do an update and will be going back later this evening for some organizational work while the store is closed.  And in between I got to get some delicious Intelligentsia coffee (and a butterscotch blondie!) for a snack with Pradeep & Stanley, followed by some cardio + strength training at the gym.  And just in case we were wondering if there are still good people left in the world, I was reminded there are!

Over the weekend when I left the gym in quite the hurry when my body was in such severe pain, I happened to forget my iPhone arm band on the stationary bike.  I didn’t figure it out until I tried to go for a run yesterday morning and couldn’t find it and just took my phone in hand running (which in case you were wondering, is really annoying and uncomfortable).  When I went in today I asked if anyone turned one in and the lady was like “I don’t think so” but thankfully the guy behind the desk looked in the Lost and Found and handed it over.  I was so pleasantly surprised and happy!  It’s the little things, sorry! :)

The remainder of my time is being spent doing some stuff for Gigi Yogini and The Joy of YES with Gigi Yogini & Corti Cooper retreat in Nosara, Costa Rica that’s coming up in November.  I am determined to help them sell out.

I’m also working my way through Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets.  I’m about half-way through.  Did anyone decide to join me? I need to move the movie to #1 in my Netflx queue if it’s not already and finish watching the movie currently in my possession so that I will have the movie by the time I’m done.  I’m really having fun reading it.  Maybe it’s bringing out the kid in me? 

I have the next two days off work and I’m super excited!  Tomorrow I’m meeting a good friend from New Jersey who has joined the rest of his family out here for lunch and Thursday will probably be the boring stuff (aka back-to-back doctor appointments - at least they’re in the same building - and an oil change).

I’m off to keep enjoying my afternoon.  Happy Day! (And Happy 13th Birthday to Google!)

Happy 13th Birthday Google!

Fitness Friday

TGIF!

Are you all with me out there?  Even though working in retail means not having weekends off, there’s something about Friday that just feels good.  Maybe it’s because I had yesterday off and today is (hopefully) only a half day.  Or maybe it’s because I’ve gotten in some amazing workouts this week and my body and mind are feeling better than they have the last couple weeks, despite working like a crazy woman.  Either way...

Thank Goodness It’s Friday!!

Sat 9/10/11

20 mins incline speed walking

**This was a very stressful day and 20 mins was all I could give myself.  I knew I needed to go home and just relax.**

Sun 9/11/11

15 mins abs

25 mins stair master

25 mins elliptical

Mon 9/12/11

90 mins yoga

Tues 9/13/11

15 mins biking to grocery store

But really this was a rest day. :)

Wed 9/14/11

35 mins abs, arms, stretch

20 mins elliptical

Thurs 9/15/11

55 mins walk/run (4.8 miles!)

20 mins abs and stretch

Fri 9/16/11

35 mins abs, legs, stretch

15 mins stationary bike

I decided to continue my unlimited yoga at The Yoga Collective despite the summer special being over so I’m hoping there will be more yoga in my schedule (maybe even this afternoon?)  There’s also going to be some training starting soon - get.excited! 

Fitness Friday

This seemed like a relatively “easy” week in terms of exercise, though when I look back at it, I got a pretty good amount.  I guess a part of me expects weeks like during the cardio challenge and yoga challenge, where I have a certain goal in mind and days off aren’t as much of an option.  Either way, I feel pretty good about this week (minus the fact that I didn’t do legs?) and I’m looking forward to hitting the gym tomorrow after work! :)

SAT 7/23/11

20 min walk/run (1.6 miles, hurting lungs-allergy induced asthma)

SUN 7/24/11

35 min walk/run (2.85 miles)

15-20 mins abs & stretching

MON 7/25/11

90 mins yoga (in the sun!)

TUES 7/26/11

90 mins yoga

WED 7/27/11

Rest

THURS 7/28/11

30 mins walk/run (2.75 miles)

15 mins arms abs stretch

FRI 7/29/11

Rest

I’m also super excited to tell you guys about a fun health-filled trip coming my way in a few weeks! 

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Loud and Clear!

My body has been asking for a day off and while I’d like to say that I listened, today, I did not.  I looked at my week ahead and decided I wanted yoga in the next few days and today was my best bet, so I went.  But after a rough day at work (it just got started on the wrong foot and I had trouble bringing it back in as things progressed), I really hoped yoga would be my answer.

Alas, it was not.  I went to a class with an instructor that I don’t have a set opinion on.  Sometimes I like her classes, other times, not so much.  Today was a not so much and by the time we got to the hip openers, I was so fed up and annoyed, I just started crying.  

If you’ve never been to a yoga class or heard this before, we store our stress and tension in our hips, so when you’re doing a hip opener (like pigeon pose pictured below), we are releasing that tension on our exhales.  Well I released my tension on my exhales and through my stream of tears.

So, do I feel better now?  Yes.  For the most part at least.

Will I take tomorrow as a rest day?  Yes.  Because my body is screaming loud and clear and I hear it!

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Awkward moment of the day...

Going from living alone to having a roommate is bound to bring up a few awkward moments and this is something I was (and still am) prepared to have...and today brought one of those moments.

I worked 7-4, drove my manager home, went to the gym and came home.  I started my dinner in the oven while I took a quick shower (knowing I will probably be heading out at some point this evening) and when I ended my shower I thought I heard someone.  There is a window in my shower and my immediate reaction was to take a quick peak and make sure no one could see in...safe!

I decided a neighbor probably had their windows open and I heard them talking.  I went into my room to change and continued to hear weird noises...kind of a knocking but not really and it sounded really close.  Honestly, it was like one of those movie moments where a guy is outside throwing pebbles at the window to get some girls attention.  Get this!  IT WAS! 

My roommate has stepped out as I was getting home (I think to the gym?) and her boyfriend came by and when she didn’t answer the door, he started throwing pebbles at her window to get her attention.

I had gone downstairs to find out what was going on (and getting the confirmation of what I thought) and let him know she wasn’t home.  But it was awkward.  I don’t know him very well and my mind went on this quick anxiety of was I supposed to be nice and invite him in until she got home or let him wait outside like he said he was going to (I think that’s what he said)?  I chose for the waiting outside.  Something about having just gotten out of the shower + near stranger trying to get in, that just felt weird.  But then not letting him in (and my roommate coming home 5 minutes later to find her boyfriend waiting outside our building) that also felt weird.

Needless to say, I had my awkward moment of the day.

With that, I leave you with this picture of me taken at Gigi Yogini & Chad Moline’s Contact Yoga Class (photos by Fluid Frame Photography!) this past Thursday.  Some may call it beautiful, to me, it feels awkward.  I’m sensing a theme for today.

Fitness Friday

A quick recap of fitness this past week:

Saturday 7.16

25-30 min run (approx 2.3 miles)

Approx 3 mile walk

5-10 mins abs & stretching

Sunday 7.17

90 min/14 mile bike ride (45 min / 7 miles each way to work)

Monday 7.18

5-10 mins ab & stretching

Rest

Tuesday 7.19

40 min walk/run (approx 3.4 miles)

20 min weights: arms, abs, stretching

Wednesday 7.20

Rest

Thursday 7.21

22 min walk/run (1.65 miles)

25 min weights: legs, abs, stretch

90 min contact yoga (photos of this class to come?)

Friday 7.22

90 min yoga

I’m trying to incorporate stretching and light ab work on my rest days so I am continuing to strengthen my core and loosen any tight muscles.

People often say they can’t do yoga because they aren’t flexible - this is not an excuse! 

I’m not very flexible but I’m working to increase my flexibility so that I can try new poses or take my current practice to another level.  You would also be surprised by how much your body can loosen up as you warm it up with movement.

Just.keep.moving!

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Fitness Friday

With my going back to school to get my Certificate in Fitness Instruction, I thought I should start sharing more about the steps I take to stay healthy.  I generally talk a bit about going for a run, to yoga or some other gym trip but I don’t often share any details about my exercise routine.  Maybe you’re not interested, but maybe you are and since this is such an important part of my life, I’m going to share.  And I’m going to call it Fitness Friday! 

So with each Friday, I will share something Fitness related with most weeks giving an overview of what my week of exercise looked like.  This is something that I track for myself to help understand my body better.  It’s interesting to be able to notice patterns and/or changes in behaviors that correspond with the littlest things, like my exercise schedule.

With that, here’s a recap of this past weeks workouts:

6/25

5.09 mile walk/run

The run was over 4.25 miles while the rest of the distance was my warm up + cool down.  This workout totaled 59 minutes and left me feeling amazing! I was tired but when I stopped, I felt like I could keep going but knew if I did, I’d be extra exhausted later.  I felt fit and amazing!

6/26

Day off.

6/27

38 minutes of running + high incline walk intervals

I tried running this day but my lungs were not having it, so I did intervals.

25 minutes of yoga via one of my YogaDownload.com podcasts

6/28

90 minutes of yoga

6/29

20 minutes of walk/run + 5 minutes lifting and stretching at the gym

I don’t like my gym’s new location (a conversation for another day) but I found it very difficult to focus and decided that after the 25 minutes I was there, it was time to just go home and end the gym session before it made me cranky(ER).

90 minutes of yoga w/ Gigi Yogini where we had a photographer taking pictures and we tried some partner yoga poses! SO fun!

6/30

Day off (didn’t want to drive to the new gym location).

7/1

Day off (didn’t want to drive to the new gym location).

While this is still a great week of exercise, it’s definitely one of my calmer weeks.  I think part is due to the stress of my Anatomy course, part to the new gym location I’m not fond of and part to a mix of laziness/asthma.  I’m looking forward to getting back into it this up-coming week, as well as finishing up my Nike + Cardio Challenge!

...now, I’m off to bed!

(P.S. All these pictures came from Fluid Frame Photography taken during Gigi Yogini's Wednesday Wellness Flow at The Yoga Collective in Santa Monica, CA)

Stretching...I'm in the blue if you can't tell

cat cow pose

Downward facing dog

Can you see me in wheel pose back there? (Note to self: pull in those low ribs...dang they look sharp!)

Gigi Yogini helping me with my handstand pose. (Another  note to self: strengthen your core!)

Hide & Seek

That's basically what I've wanted to do all day today: hide but not actually allow anyone to seek me out.  I was c.r.a.n.k.y.  It was upsetting too because as much as I tried, I couldn't snap out of it.  My morning began with a (short) nice run to warm up before lifting some weights.  My shoulders are a little sore so I'm not sure if I pulled something funny or if they're just sore.  But when I got to work, things were just not sitting well with me and I just couldn't seem to breathe through it today.  A little work in the attic and trying to avoid as much human contact/avoid those that I found extra aggravating today (this didn't entirely work), plus getting hugs from the people there who give some pretty awesome hugs and next thing I knew it was 5PM and I got to go home.  I keep going back and forth between whether I should have gone to yoga tonight or not, especially with the madness of trying to figure out my day tomorrow due to a last minute shift change but I think I'm going to do a little 20-30 min yoga/pilates personal session over here and call it night.  Maybe even pack a box so I feel like I'm making some progres (I packed 3 small boxes of books last night)!

For now, I'll leave you with another song playing constantly in my head lately: Imogen Heap's "Hide and Seek"  This song is on the older side (2005 maybe?) but came back to my life lately thanks to yoga.  The video is not very good but the song is beautiful - enjoy!

Mission Accomplished!!

Did you expect anything different? :)

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30 Days in a row. 90 mins per day.  2,700 minutes total.

That’s a lot of yoga.  That’s a lot of breathing.  That’s a lot of healing.

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And I must tell you, I feel amazing!

I definitely ended on a great note with an amazing class this evening.  I wish we were downstairs so it would have been heated but despite there only being three students, the room sure did get warm and I sweat, which is always the goal when I work out.  (No, I’m clearly not one of those people at the gym who is afraid of sweating.  I want to sweat.  It gives me a sense of accomplishment in what I’m doing.  Sorry...But at least I clean my machines when I’m done sweating all over them!) 

Anyway, I have to tell you this was such an amazing experience!  It wasn’t easy but at the same time, it was because my heart was so in it.  I wanted the challenge and variety added to my workout but I also wanted the mental clarity associated with yoga.  And the best way to see benefits from something like this, is to truly commit and make a habit out of it.  So I did.  And quite honestly, it saved my life.  I fear writing that last statement and freaking everyone out because I know the initial thoughts that just popped in everyone’s heads and it wasn’t in that kind of way.  But rather in the way that I learned to take control of my life, my thoughts and how best to deal with stress and fear - just BREATHE!  If you’re someone who knows me well (and even if you aren’t), you’ve probably witnessed the anxiety, stress and fear that I used to allow to consume me at times.  I’m not okay with that; I was never okay with that, I just didn’t know how to deal with it.

Solution: Breathe through it.  Breathe through it all.  And when you feel like you can’t push one bit further, breathe again.

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It works.  I’m now an advocate and you will find me telling you to keep breathing any time I sense your stress, fear, anxiety, sadness, whatever it may be.  If I need to, I will go a step further and stick my phone in front of your face and make you breathe along with the “My Calm Beat” app that helps you regulate your breath.  (I’m sure it does more than that, but that’s about all I’ve taken the time to figure out/use it for.)

In the past 30 days, I’ve become more positive.  I’m not exactly sure when the change occurred, but the important fact is that it did.  I became wiser.  And the only way I know this is because I can now look back on parts of my life in a clearer mindset and see how I’ve removed myself from the rubble.  I can confidently tell you, it will get better.  All you have to do, is breathe and make a conscious effort to move forward.  When you come back to me and tell me “it’s easier said than done,” I can agree and say “I know, I’ve been there.  I made it through, so can you.”

I’ve often told you all that not every day is a good day; we all know this.  We know to expect it but the key to these bad days is to look at them in just that way - A bad day.  ONE bad day.  ONE bad day in the midst of many good days.  And stop and think about it, how many bad days do you remember?  Like specifics that made it so terrible?  ...that’s what I thought.  There are very few.  And the ones you remember, it’s probably because of a significant thing (a break-up, death in the family, or some other major event).  Not because someone cut you off in traffic.  Not because your boss or coworker pissed you off that day.  Not because you felt fat.  You don’t remember those days.  You know they happened, but you don’t actually remember them.  Why? Because they aren’t important!  They aren’t what makes you YOU.

Over the last 30 days, I pushed through more of the hurt of losing the band.  I pushed through the feeling of loss and unknown in my life that overtook me after I lost them.  I decided that I needed to create a new plan for myself.  I decided that I could create a career, a life that included all of my passions, not just one.  I signed up to go back to school; I bought my textbook, notebook and pens (nerd); I told everyone all about it and I have received a tremendous amount of support.  I couldn’t be more excited about what is in store.

As I finished off this 30 Day Yoga Challenge today, I found myself a mix of giddy and nervous.  I was excited to be able to say I did it and then work to finding the right balance of yoga, running, lifting and misc cardio in my life.  But I was nervous - part because I was afraid something would happen making me miss my class (getting stuck at work, class being cancelled, something).  But also nervous for the “after.”  I’ve spent the last 30 days going to yoga every.single.day.  It became part of my daily routine; part of my life, so there’s definitely a fear that I may not be able to maintain the same mental balance that I’ve developed the last 30 days.  I guess this is where the real challenge actually begins.  But since The Yoga Collective is having a summer special of $49 unlimited/month until September, I can find the money to continue through the summer - not everyday, but 3 or so days/week and then continue my 20-30 minute sessions at home on those other days. 

As class was slowing down today, I found myself smiling.  I was proud of how close I was.  I found myself super relaxed and smiling while in Savasana.  And when class ended, I had a great conversation with the instructor, Brianna, about yoga for people with Scoliosis.  (I’ve been going to several of her classes and today she came over to me for adjustment and asked if I had a curvature in my spine and adjusted me to where it would be better for my back - it was amazing!)  I guess she went to a workshop this weekend about “Yoga for Scoliosis” and was just beaming with excitement and information.  She recommended a book which I’m definitely going to have to check out but it was just an amazing way to end the class and to end the challenge - with a feeling of community and connection.  I grabbed my stuff and as I was walking out, one of the other ladies in my class told me to “have a good rest of the weekend.”  Why is it that something that simple, can make you feel so good?  I was walking down the stairs from the building, out the front door and to my car with tears in my eyes.  I’m proud.  And I feel amazing!

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