Saturday, April 30, 2011

What I Be

Have you ever heard of the ‘What I Be’ project by Ganesh Photography in Davis, CA?  I happened to run across it on Facebook this morning and just had to take the opportunity to share this with everyone.  They have several albums on their Facebook page and I highly recommend taking the time to check them out.  They’re absolutely beautiful photographs with an even better message.  Below are a couple pictures from the 'What I Be' Project.
"I am not my anxiety" : Source
"I am not my uncertainty" : Source

And while I’m not a fan of Lady Gaga, I do like the message behind her single “Born This Way.”  And quite honestly, that’s it.  Hate the video and hate the way she sings the song.  Only like the message behind the lyrics.  But that’s something.

If you haven't noticed, my brain has been on the wavelength of empowerment and self-improvement lately.  I'm trying not to let the anxiety of the unknown overcome me and take each day as it presents itself to me and approach life with a clear mind.  This is the only way to move on and deal with things that have happened that throw you off track (like a change in your career - please note I did not say change of career).  I'm working every day on my positive outlook on the world.  And as I've mentioned, some days are good days, some days are bad days.

Friday, April 29, 2011

Day 1 - Love Flow

I can’t promise you that I’ll blog about each day’s yoga session, as I fear I’d bore you or annoy you, but I do promise I’ll do yoga each day for the next 30 days.  And if I don’t, I’ll tell you (as I better have a good reason for it!) and I’ll probably fill you in on a few of my classes too.
A couple weeks ago, I bought a deal through Living Social for The Yoga Collective which is on the Promenade in Santa Monica.  Since I work nearby and it’s not super far from home, it’s perfect for me to be able to fit into my schedule (before/after work, days off, etc).  I went to a Thanksgiving session with Justine in the fall when they used to be called YogaCo and were all donation based.  They’re no longer donation based so this deal was perfect timing!
I have been browsing their schedule for the last week or so and figuring out which classes catch my interest.  In no way am I an advanced yogi; I’m sure I fall into level 1/2 beginner/intermediate.  There was a class this evening called “Love Flow” listed as “all levels” - generally this means I’m going to struggle a bit but should be able to make it through.  It was actually right up my skill level!  And it wasn’t super slow or fast - right at my pace.  The class only had about 7 people and it made for a great environment and experience.  It also meant more personalized attention so if something was off, you knew Ciara would be over to help you fix it.  And if you were doing well, she’d let you know too.  It was empowering.
I’m not one for a lot of chanting and “om”s and while we ended this class with a chant, it was short and felt powerful.  I left with a smile on my face, sweat dripping off my forehead and feeling optimistic for the month of yoga I have ahead of me.
I often get really nervous before yoga classes.  I’ve never quite been able to figure it out, but I do.  I think part of it is the unknown of the class ahead - will I be able to do this class?  will it be too advanced for me? will I embarrass myself when everyone can do a pose but I can’t? will this class be too fast? too slow? too many chants?  But either way, the ambiance, support and energy when you enter the room and begin the flow, it suddenly all melts away.  I’m there to learn and improve my yoga practice.  No one expects me to be perfect, just to try.  It’s a beautiful thing.
And while I know I’ll probably get a little nervous before I enter tomorrow’s yoga practice, right now I am so excited I can’t decide on which class I want to take! 
30 Day Yoga Challenge Day 1 - SUCCESS!!
I know this was short notice, but did anyone decide to join me? 

Yes, I was doing this this evening - Shoulder Stand Pose : Source

Just Stand Up!

The lyrics posted below are for “Just Stand Up”, a collaboration between Carrie Underwood, Rihanna, Fergie, Mary J Blige, Leona Lewis, Beyonce, Sheryl Crow, Miley Cyrus, Keyshia Cole, LeAnn Rimes, Natasha Bedingfield and I might be missing a few.  But whether you like each of these artists individually or not, the song is beautiful and the meaning behind it is even better.
While this song was written and promoted for the Stand Up! to Cancer organization, the lyrics are fitting for whatever you’re going through.  On the day that I’m choosing to begin my 30 Day Yoga Challenge, this song came on my iTunes library randomly and it felt very fitting.  I had to find the lyrics and post for everyone to see.  Keep this thought with you everyday:  “You don't gotta be a prisoner in your mind, if you fall, dust if off, you can live your life” (can you say new mantra?!)

Just Stand Up
Every thing will be alright, yeah
The heart is stronger
Than you think
It's like it can go
Through anything
And even when you think
It can't it finds a way
To still push on

You want to run away
Ain't got the patience
For the pain
And if you
Don't believe it
Look into
Your heart
The beat goes on

I'm tellin' you
Things get better
Through whatever
If you fall
Dust it off
Don't let up
Don't you know
You can go
Be your own miracle
You need to know...

If the mind
Keeps thinking
You've had enough
But the heart
Keeps telling you
Don't give up

Who are we to be
Wondering what is what
Don't give up
Through it all
Just stand up

It's like
We all have better days
Problems getting all up
In your face
Just because
You go through it
Don't mean it got
To take control, no
You ain't gotta find
No hiding place
Because the heart
Can beat the hate
Don't wanna
Let your mind
Keep playin' you
And sayin' you
Can't go on

I'm tellin' you
Things get better
Through whatever
If you fall 
Dust if off
Don't let up 
Don't you know you
Can go

Be your own
You need to know

If the mind
Keeps thinking
You've had enough
But the heart
Keeps telling you
Don't give up
Who are we to be
Wondering what is what
Don't give up
Through it all
Just stand up

You don't gotta be
A prisoner
In your mind
If you fall
Dust it off
You can live your life

Let your heart
Be your guide
Yeah, yeah, yeah
And you will know
That you're good
If you trust in the good
Will be alright, yeah
Light up the dark
If you follow your heart
And it will get better
Through whatever

If the mind
Keeps thinking
You've had enough
But the heart
Keeps telling you
Don't give up
Who are we to be
Wondering what is what
Don't give up
Through it all
Just stand up

You got it in you
Find it within
You got in ya
Find it within now
You got in you
Find it within
You got in ya
Find it within now
You got in you
Find it within
You got it in you
Find it within
Find it within you
Find it within

Through It All, Just Stand Up! 

30 Day Yoga Challenge - There's No Better Time Than Now!

Well 7:30AM yoga didn’t happen.  I hit the snooze button over and over and decided I deserved to sleep in on my day off, so I did.  I was also starving when I woke up, so the 9:45AM cycling class wasn’t an option either because my body felt like it needed a full breakfast, not just 1/2 a banana with a little peanut butter.  Now, I can’t decide what I want my exercise to be today.  Maybe a run.  Maybe an evening yoga class.  Maybe weights.  Maybe I should get the bike checked out so I can feel like I can ride it all over. Maybe.  Just maybe.  
I don’t really have any plans for my two days off in a row and right now I’m loving that.  I’m loving sitting around my apartment in my PJs with no agenda.  It’s another one of those gorgeous LA days where I want to be outside, but don’t exactly have a destination and I struggle to just go out walking in LA because it’s not that friendly of walking city.  But we’ll see, maybe I’ll go out for a walk later.
I’ve set a few self improvement goals for myself: read more, eat better, breathe more, relax more, surround myself with people who love and support me, create and abide by a realistic budget, think clearer and be open.
Some of these things may seem relatively easy or like things I already do, but they are all areas of my life that I feel like need improvement at times.  I do eat healthy but I also generally find myself skipping dinner or eating a bowl of cereal or something not the greatest for my body (usually because I’m too tired to cook).
After watching Eat, Pray, Love the other week, I really want to read the book!  I also want to focus more attention on yoga and meditation because I know the benefits it can bring to your life - I feel the relaxation with the little bit I do now.  I’m thinking about a 30 Day Yoga Challenge.  I have a 1 month unlimited yoga pass to The Yoga Collective in Santa Monica, so what better time to take on the challenge (Plus, I got a deal on it so it’s a $150+ unlimited month - it was $30!).  You never quite see the full benefits of something unless you make a daily habit of it.  I think this would be great for my body, mind and emotional state of being.
Would you like to join me?  You don’t have to be in LA to join me.  You don’t have to go to the same studio to join me.  You don’t have to go to a studio to join me.  All you have to do is commit to doing 30 days of yoga however you can - whether it be 15 minutes, 30 minutes, 60 mins, in a studio, in the comfort of your own home, whatever.  It’s okay to be afraid.  It’s okay to feel overwhelmed.  It’s going to be a major task, but I’m committing to 30 days of yoga.  I’m committing to doing something for myself for the next 30 days.  I’m committing to the improvement of myself for the next 30 days.  And if you’re willing, able and interested, I want you to join me.  I’m committing to each of you out there that I am going to do this.  We are going to do this.  
If you want to commit publicly, privately, have questions or need support, you can email me at kt.talkless.saymore @ gmail . com (you know, without the spaces!) 
I mean, why not?  There’s no better time than right NOW!






Thursday, April 28, 2011

Secret Garden

Not everyday is a good day.  This is something I accepted and prepared to deal with a long time ago.  Unfortunately during those off days, it’s often difficult to remember it’s just one day and that things will look brighter when the sun comes up in the morning.  I need to work on remembering that.
I often find myself admitting “it’s not a good day today, that’s okay, tomorrow will be better” but in the moment of said bad days, it feels like it will never end.  Thankfully I have some awesome people in my life who are there for me and try their best to help me feel better.  To those of you who offered up your support, time, love, motivation and inspiration words today, I thank you.  While I still felt like coming home and plopping on my couch (which I did), the fact that there were people around me who wanted to make sure I knew they were there for me and knew how highly they think of me, meant the world to me.  To the people who got shrugged off, ignored, or got doors shut in their face, you deserved it and happened to catch me on the one day I was willing to inform you of it.  Sorry. :)
At least I came home, made myself a “pizza” (garlic + soy mozzarella cheese on whole wheat dough - I found out my pizza sauce went bad but decided it was okay.  I found a fresh can of sauce in the pantry later.  Oh well...)  I ate my dinner while watching The Secret Garden (I’m still on my old school movies stint).  I forgot a lot of parts of that movie.  I’m glad I watched it.  And the silly plot lines and acting always give me a giggle and make me feel nostalgic.  Oh, to be 10 again...

I have the weekend off - well, Friday and Saturday that is.  I’m not exactly sure how that happened but I’m taking it, accepting it and running with it.  I’m hoping my two days off lead to better days than I’ve had.  And if I’m lucky, a trip to the beach on Saturday?!  I don’t know if I’ll have company but the weather is bound to be beautiful and I could use to make an attempt at no longer having see-through legs. (Yes, they are that white!)
For the remainder of my evening, I will be reading and hitting the hay.  I thought about yoga but I’m choosing to pass up the exercise today.  It was probably not the smartest idea knowing the level of crankiness than generally ensues when I don’t get the proper amount of exercise in a week (I need endorphins flowing through my body on a consistent basis), but when the alarm went off at 4:30 this morning, I was not feeling anything but more sleep.
I know my mom is waking up bright and early to make tea and scones for breakfast while she watches the Royal Wedding, though I can’t say I’ll be doing the same.  Apparently it will begin at 1AM PT, which is in approx 3 hours, I’m tired and I have my eyes set on a 7:30AM yoga class tomorrow morning.  I do have to say that if I was back home, I would probably make myself wake up early and help my mom with the scones and watch the wedding with her.  I think if my sister was home, she’d probably consider the same.  Mom - I hope you have fun!! :)

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

On a Day like Today - Blah

It’s days like this that make living in LA okay in my book.  It’s nearly 80 degrees and the sun is shining.  But it’s also days like this that make me hate how much you need a car in LA.  Granted I have that bike now which helps (but I’m not really allowing myself to ride it until I get it checked out - I’m afraid it’s going to break under me).  What I really miss though is walking.  If I was in NYC on a day like today, I’d probably walk through Central Park, grab a coffee and keep walking until I reached my destination or my legs got tired.  In Boston, I would grab my camera, walk along the Charles, through the Commons and probably head over to the North End before turning around and heading back home.  In LA, it’s harder to take any of those kinds of trips.  Granted there are side walks and you can walk somewhere, with everything so spread out, you would walk a lot further just to get to your first destination and probably wouldn’t have the energy to make it through all of your errands.  
But weather like this makes me want to go outside - walk around, run, sit in the grass and read, write, listen to music, whatever.  But I feel like if I’m going to go sit in the grass somewhere (or on the beach for that matter), I need to drive to get to that destination.  Annoying.  And generally the whole act of needing to get in my car (especially when gas prices are so frustratingly high), I don’t want to do anything that requires me to get in my car.  That feeling is filled up inside of me today and I really don’t feel like driving, though I did because I wanted to go shopping. :)
I wish I could say it was worth it too but it wasn’t.  I had a pretty unsuccessful shopping trip that just left me feeling pretty awful about myself.  Nothing fit.  Or it didn’t fit right.  It was one of those shopping trips that while you know you shouldn’t let it get to you, it does.  And it did.
So now I sit at home with laundry going, feeling kinda blah and so exhausted I wish I could go to bed right now.  I think it’s going to be an early night.  Blah. 

Foodie for a Day Wednesday

I’m hoping Foodie for a Day will have a few segments today, though we’ll see if that’s able to happen.  I’ve spent the last two days with a headache that I can’t seem to get rid of despite all of my usual tricks.
A few years ago, my sister introduced me to her current favorite breakfast: peanut butter and banana oatmeal.  My initial reaction was “uh...ew” though I have never quite understood why I felt that way.  Peanut butter and banana sandwiches are one of my favorite things ever so I’m not sure why the same ingredients in something like oatmeal made any difference in my mind.  Either way, I ended up trying it and loving it!
Not long after, my friend Justine introduced me to KERF and I realized just how much you could manipulate oatmeal.  KERF has a “Tribute to Oatmeal” page but she is not alone in creating fun oatmeal concoctions; it’s actually quite the food blogging phenomenon.  
I ran out of fresh bananas earlier this week, had no cereal and my only breakfast option left was oatmeal.  I like oatmeal so I was okay with this.  Thankfully I had 1/2 a frozen banana in the freezer which I lightly defrosted before beginning.  Then I combined oatmeal, water, soy milk, cinnamon, vanilla and the defrosted banana on the stove.  When it was done, I topped the oatmeal with a little brown sugar, dried cranberries and a small blob of almond butter.  Delicious!  And of course my cup of coffee on the side!

Tuesday, April 26, 2011


While some aspects of my life might be rushing on all around me and dragging me down, others are keeping me sane and making me glow.
I have some amazing people in my life!  I woke up this morning, texted my friend Justine and 30 minutes later we met at the gym for a quick cardio session.  There were no ellipticals open when I got there so we plopped down on some stationary bikes and time flew as we chatted away.  After stretching we walked to her car where she gave me an awesome birthday present and a bag that she doesn’t have room for anymore - LOVE BOTH!  (J - I may have even already switched purses and tossed the book in my bag to take around with me!) ;)
Anyway, I came home from the gym, ate my breakfast, had some coffee, blogged and felt like I needed more exercise.  Surprise surprise.  But I did.  I’ve also had this feeling all day that I have the day off work (I DON’T!), so I’ve had to maintain very aware of the time so I don’t accidentally lose track of time and end up late to work (or missing it all together).
But knowing I had a couple hours before needing to leave and had already done the things I had deemed “necessary” to do before work, I decided a quick run outside was in store, especially after admitting to my fear of that initial first outdoor run of the season yesterday.  So I filled up my water bottle, grabbed my keys + phone and headed out the door.  And when I say quick run, I really meant short probably about a mile or so.  Normally a 1 mile run wouldn’t make me happy and I would want to push for more but knowing I had worked out this morning and I was choosing to go at the warmest time of the day, plus that whole “first run outside” thing and not knowing how my asthma would choose to react to the pollen and such, I was okay with short and quick.
QUICK IT WAS!!  I was outside for 20 minutes.  5 minutes walking to warm up and 5 mins to cool down, 10 minutes in between running.  I didn’t have a set distance or path, I just planned to run and see how I felt and turn when I felt like my lungs were going to need a break soon.  And of course I planned to map the run when I got home.  It was really warm outside and I’m realizing I think I need to get over my “I hate shorts” issue because running in pants is getting too warm and I think causing my runs to be harder.
But once I got home, I mapped where I ran on AND not including any of the walking distance, I physically ran 1.07 miles in 10 minutes flat!  Do you know what that means people?  It means I ran a 9’20” mile!!! 
That’s the best mile time of my life!  I generally would prefer to run a bit slower and go further but for today this was perfect and has given my runs a HUGE confidence boost!  At the gym I’m running 10’45” miles if I’m lucky so this almost seems impossible, but I don’t care - I’ll take it!  I think I need to buy my new Nike + today so I can get outside running more!! Whoohoo!!
Post run & feeling amazing!! Glowing!

A Longing to Go Somewhere

I have this pretty strong need for a trip, to get away for awhile, to go somewhere.  I don’t even need to go somewhere crazy or super far.  I know my sister would love for me to visit her in Africa, which would be fun but my bank account is not feeling up for any trips for me especially one that far away.  And quite honestly, I can’t stop thinking about Boston.  Ever since I got so sentimental and nostalgic the other week, I can’t stop thinking about how much I want to get back to Boston.  I even found myself looking for jobs in Boston.  
CHILL OUT EVERYONE!  I’m not going anywhere!  And I’m not moving!  (And if I do, it would be to another apartment in LA that I could hopefully afford.)
Ever since I lost The Lumineers, I’ve just felt lost.  And it’s been a very difficult thing for me to talk about because I worry people will read too much into how I’m feeling.  While I’ve mentioned to many people how my intuition felt it coming weeks before it actually happened, it still caught me off guard.  Think of it like a break-up.  You’re with someone for years and things are going great but something just feels “off” then BOOM, they end it.  You’re left standing there wondering what happened but also knowing you kind of saw it coming.  It doesn’t make it any easier when it happens because it’s not what you want.
There was this path that I was building in front of me, things were going along smoothly and construction was going fast.  And now there’s something blocking the path and I need to figure out how to get over the hurdle or find a new direction around it.  That’s what I’m trying to figure out now.  Do I want to go over or around?  And how am I going to do this?  What are the steps that I need to take?  What do I want to do?  In the short term, in the long term?  Where do I want to be?  
Weather in LA is nice.  Some of the people that I’ve met here are nice.  But there’s also something missing for me here and I can’t figure out what it is.  The fact that I lost the band because other companies wanted them, proves that I know what I’m doing and I’m good at it.  It means that I should be able to find a new band and do it again, right?  In theory yes but just like after a break up, you have a hard time getting back in the water to look for the next “fish in the sea,” I’m having a hard time getting myself back out there with the same drive and passion I had before.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, please don’t worry about me.  This is a time of exploration and finding myself and what I truly want out of my life.  It scares me.  It intimidates me.  And at times, it really can get to me.  But that’s all a part of this journey we call life and despite those bad days, I’m maintaining optimistic that I will figure out my place and where I’m supposed to be.
But for now, can I please go visit Boston?

Photo taken out of the plane window from one of my trips back East

Monday, April 25, 2011

Song Selections - GO!

Speaking of all this running talk, I need to create a new running (and overall workout) playlist and I want YOUR help.  Taking song selections now.
And GO!

I Run For Life

Today I find myself staring at a blank page trying to decide exactly what I want write about.  While I have quite a few ideas rushing around my brain, I can’t seem to stop and focus on one long enough to actually think it through before it rushes away.  It’s weird.

I always say I want to run a 5k race, yet I never actually do.  It’s not because I can’t run the distance, I can, I think it’s because I get scared and need an extra push.  I always ask people to do 5ks with me and while I can get them interested, it’s up to me to pick the event and that’s usually where my brain takes over and freak out begins making it never actually happen - and then the other person never follows up.  
Lately I’ve been trying to work back into my time and distance from last summer and I seem to be struggling.  I took the winter off because I needed new shoes and now I have new shoes and I’m having trouble getting back into it.  I want to run but my lungs don’t - at least not the distances that I want them to.  I’m trying to take it slow and easy but I’m growing impatient and there are some events coming up that I really want to be ready for.
One of the other amazing things about the company I work for, is their push to support wellness among the employees.  I’m sure most companies have some kind of program or it’s built into their health benefits, Apple is the first company I have worked for where I have seen this kind of a push.  Want to quit smoking?  They want to help.  Having a hard time with something?  They want to help.  Want to lose weight or improve your overall health?  They want to help.
Last year I took place in the “Cardio Challenge 2010” - a fun competition for Apple employees to not only work as a team but also set individual goals to achieve over the course of several weeks.  My personal goal was to run 50 miles (over 8 weeks) which I did (technically I did it in 6 weeks because I started a week late and was sick another week).  At the end I had such a sense of pride (and a new tshirt displaying my goal)!  This year since they’ll be doing it again, I wanted to increase my goal to 100 miles but my lungs have me worrying this may not be possible.
One thing I need to do, is remove myself from the treadmill and get outside but I have this strange fear of running outside.  It’s not a constant fear, it really only comes up near the beginning of each “running season.”  (I make it sound like I’ve been running for a long time but this is really only the 3rd year I’ll be running).  I think it’s really just the stress of figuring out how to carry everything I need (water, keys, ID, probably the inhaler too - stupid asthma).  I bought a Camelback last year and while I loved it, I have this fear over cleaning those things and since you can’t tell what’s going on mid-tube, I feel like I need to replace the tube.  It’s the paranoid person in me wondering if I did a good enough job cleaning that thing and now since it’s been a year since I used it, has it grown stuff I can’t see?  Therefore, I’m kind of steering clear until I can figure out the best way to clean it or just buy a new insert.  The “back pack” part of it obviously still works fine.  The whole thing adds more weight but it keeps my hands free.  Oh! And I need to buy a new Nike + because mine died right after the Cardio Challenge last year (pretty sure I should have been able to get it replaced because it didn’t even last 2 months)! 
All I know is that I need to work on my running - downloading a new running plan now, buying a new Nike + tomorrow, getting over my fear of running outside this season as soon as possible.  It’s just got to happen.
P.S. The title of this post comes from a Melissa Etheridge song called “I Run for Life” which is awesome and if you haven’t heard this song before you need to go to Google and listen to it.  It’s gorgeous and inspiring and it’s Melissa Etheridge which means it’s got to be pretty awesome! :)

Sunday, April 24, 2011


I really dislike going to the doctor.  I actually hate it so much that I put it off as much as possible.  And then there are times that I feel like I’ve put it off long enough and break down and just go.  I think the problem is that I never leave feeling fulfilled with the help that I was given.  
You sit in the waiting room for awhile after your originally scheduled appointment.  Then they let you in the room only to have you wait some more, generally in a paper top.  Then they come in, ask you a few questions, generally leave once or twice, come back real quick and then let you get dressed and go - paying $30 on your way out.  But for what?  A 5 minute conversation where the doctor tells you nothing is wrong with you?  Yeah, pretty much.
That’s why I get so frustrated.  When I go sick, they tell me there’s nothing I can do but keep doing what I have been doing.  When I go when I’m healthy but having some issue that lead me there, they generally tell me chances are it will pay but if it doesn’t in the next couple weeks then I should (pay another $30 and) come back.  This gets me nowhere, but $60 poorer.  
I always tell my parents that I’ll go and ask for another list of providers and then something happens, my schedule gets busy and I forget and never make it.  This of course doesn’t make them happy or able to be at ease.  Like how about the fact that I have never gone to the doctor about my fainting spells?  Granted, I haven’t had that many and did go to the ER after the most recent one, but they couldn’t find anything wrong with me.  I know that I need to go and get a quick check up and then at least feel like I have a doctor out here to call “my doctor.”
Anyway, I’m on my rant over doctors right now for a reason:  I think I need to go see one.  Like actually make myself go and go through the process of researching and finding one.  But it’s so intimating to move somewhere kind of new and have to find a new doctor - it’s like a needle in a haystack.  It’s awful and super nerve-racking.
But truth be told - I’m exhausted!  My body goes through these spurts of being so exhausted and tired that I can hardly handle it.  I know sometimes it’s because I wake up early to go to the gym before starting work at 8 but that’s not all that it is.  There’s no excuse for me falling asleep on my couch by 8 most evenings - and sleeping 5 hours before waking up and moving to my bed to sleep for another 5 hours.  
I’m sure it’s probably something simple like a vitamin deficiency, but of course my brain is going into worse case scenario mode and thinking it could be Hypothyroidism (underactive thyroid) or something worse.  I’ve also been told I’m “slightly anemic” which could also be a reason I’m so tired despite the amount of sleep I’m receiving.  
Am I breaking down and finally going to see a doctor and get to the bottom of this?  Once I get through the stack of local doctors, make an appointment and actually go through with said appointment - I’ll let you know. ;)

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Over Reaction

What a day. Thankfully my day at work wasn’t that bad, it was stressful at times but overall it wasn’t terrible and the things I needed to do got done and I stayed positive despite everything. Until I got home that is.

That’s because I checked my mail only to find a fun letter from building management about increasing my rent. In this moment of extreme stress and anxiety, I thought they increased my rent $85, but actually it was only increased $35 but I’m still really annoyed. Only a month ago, the company offered to discuss a rate reduction in order for me to stay in my apartment. I put through my request and was denied any reduction because apparently I pay the least in the entire building. DUH! I live in a studio with no balcony - what do you expect?!

Anyway, I know my initial burst into tears over frustration, aggravation and all-on freak out was probably a bit of an over reaction, (if I’m acknowledging it that makes it ok, right?) but it’s also a reminder that I need to be paying attention to my finances more right now. It’s not like I’m spending away (because I’m not) but I need to sit down and figure out how I can be more financially stable.

I’m very lucky to have parents who are supportive, understanding and willing to help when they can but I’m an independent person who wants to have financial stability. Someone who doesn’t want to feel like she owes any more money to her parents (whether they ask for it back or not). Someone who just wants to feel like she’s standing with her own two feet planted firmly on the ground. But instead, every time I feel like I’m building in my roots, a burst of wind comes through and knocks me down. It’s getting extremely frustrating.

Whether it’s $85 or $35, it’s a rent increase that I wasn’t expecting, wasn’t planning for and has thrown me off my game. It’s a rent increase that makes me feel like they may keep doing this to me until they feel my rent is competitive to rest of the building or until it forces me out and they can jack it up to where they want it to be. It feels like even more of a power play and reassures my feelings that they have no soul.

Anyway, in honor of Earth Day yesterday, I decided to get a delicious salad from the Whole Foods salad bar for lunch. Yum! This was also my first time trying Kombucha and I don’t know if it was the flavor, but it was not my thing. I felt like I was drinking vinegar or something. Blech!

Friday, April 22, 2011

Earth Day 2011

Happy Earth Day Party People!

While I find living a healthy lifestyle to also include being generally environmentally conscious, I’m not anyone who runs around preaching their “green” habits or forcing others to be green.  We all have our own ways of doing things and while I think some people need to be more aware of the footprint they are making on this world, I think sometimes people need to stop and see that some people are doing what they can.
I don’t have a large bank account to afford all organic food; I do try to eat what I can and living a vegetarian lifestyle that is easier on some levels.
I don’t live close enough to work to be able to bike, walk, run, etc; I do now have a bike so once I get it checked out / repaired, I will feel more comfortable using it to bike to the gym, grocery store or on other short trips in my neighborhood (and surrounding neighborhoods when I’m ready).
I have re-usable grocery bags that while I don’t remember every time I make a trip to the grocery store, they do come with me 90% of the time.
I re-use the paper bags from Trader Joe’s to hold my recyclables and the plastic bags from Target and other grocery stores as liners for my small trash cans.  I say that’s pretty good use of something that would otherwise go to waste.
I have several coffee tumblers and mugs and I’m not great about bringing those with me everyday, I’m working on making a habit of that and not only saving 10 cents off my coffee, avoiding use of another cup!
Speaking of coffee...if you bring a re-usable tumbler to Starbucks tomorrow, you get a free cup of coffee!  And if you don’t have one, you can get a discount on the purchase of one, plus your free cup of coffee!  Guess who will definitely be remembering her coffee mug today?
It’s the little things people.  You don’t need to go totally crazy.  You can and if you can, that’s great for you, but not everyone can do that.  And I’m standing in front of you right now, telling you that’s okay and I understand.
Now grab your coffee mug, hit up Starbucks for that free cup, take your re-usable bags with you to the grocery store and just be conscious of your actions.  That’s all anyone can ask of you.
Happy Earth Day!

LOVE this Earth Day Google Logo

This made me laugh 

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Starbucks & Earth Day

Here's a cool video from the Starbucks website for Earth Day!
Definitely had to share!

What's going on?!

I feel like I’m having a really strange week.  Like my whole “self” feels off.  I’m not sure what’s going on but I have to tell you, I don’t like this.  It’s like cranky keeps coming by and lingering for awhile, disappears and then comes back.  So annoying.
I don’t think allowing my schedule to be adjusted so much is probably helping.  I haven’t had a generally consistent schedule this past week and I immediately took my body from working really late hours (like until 3 am, then midnight) almost directly into working mornings again.  And the only day I gave it to “adjust” I spent sleeping and being a cranky, lazy bum.  I know my body doesn’t handle these sorts of changes, I should know better.
Anyway, Obama was in LA today.  Correction: Obama was in my neighborhood today.  I did not see him, but he was here and you could feel the stress radiating through people as they imagined their commutes home from the west side.  ie: OBAMAJAM in LA!  I went into work a little early this morning so that I could leave a little early and I avoided the freeways and made it home in less than 30 minutes!  That was definitely good news but I had prepared myself to potentially spend part of the evening in Santa Monica avoiding traffic.  I brought my laptop & a book so I could read and blog after work.  I also brought along my yoga pants + tank top so I could hit up a yoga studio right on the Promenade that had a class at 6:15 (I forgot my yoga mat but was willing to buy a new one so that I could have a “spare” in my car).  I couldn’t commit to the class because if I felt like I should make the run for it if traffic didn’t seem awful and just head home, and obviously that’s what I did.  But I also think I got my hopes up about this class and when I got home, I had no direction as to what I should do with my time.  I didn’t feel like making dinner so I ate a random assortment of “crap” and then I fell asleep on my couch.  Clearly this was not a good move for my mood.
I need to work on that.  When I eat poorly, it doesn’t help my mood, it generally makes it worse because I know the food I’m eating isn’t healthy and that I’m probably just eating it as an attempt to comfort myself.  That’s such an awful habit and I’m trying very hard to break it.  We can look at the upside, at least it’s not drugs.  Though sometimes my cravings for sugar feel like what I would imagine a drug addict goes through.  Just give me an IV of sugar.  ...not really.  Please don’t actually do that.  That would be bad.
I’m trying to find the root of the problem and snap this week’s cranky mood because it’s getting really annoying.  I have too much that I’m trying to work through right now to potentially have some really petty things weighing me down so badly.  Watch out people - a new and improved Katie is on the way!!
With that, let’s hope for a better tomorrow.  I’ve decided that aside from packing a few snacks, I’m allowing myself to buy lunch tomorrow.  Right after work, I’m meeting a friend for a quick vent session before we meet with some more friends for a coworker’s “going away” party.  He’s just going to a different store in LA and while I’ll still see him because we’re good friends (or at least I better!!), I’m still sad he won’t be at the store anymore.  He gives the best hugs! 

And for now - think yoga thoughts and find your balance.