Glowing

While some aspects of my life might be rushing on all around me and dragging me down, others are keeping me sane and making me glow.

I have some amazing people in my life!  I woke up this morning, texted my friend Justine and 30 minutes later we met at the gym for a quick cardio session.  There were no ellipticals open when I got there so we plopped down on some stationary bikes and time flew as we chatted away.  After stretching we walked to her car where she gave me an awesome birthday present and a bag that she doesn’t have room for anymore - LOVE BOTH!  (J - I may have even already switched purses and tossed the book in my bag to take around with me!) ;)

Anyway, I came home from the gym, ate my breakfast, had some coffee, blogged and felt like I needed more exercise.  Surprise surprise.  But I did.  I’ve also had this feeling all day that I have the day off work (I DON’T!), so I’ve had to maintain very aware of the time so I don’t accidentally lose track of time and end up late to work (or missing it all together).

But knowing I had a couple hours before needing to leave and had already done the things I had deemed “necessary” to do before work, I decided a quick run outside was in store, especially after admitting to my fear of that initial first outdoor run of the season yesterday.  So I filled up my water bottle, grabbed my keys + phone and headed out the door.  And when I say quick run, I really meant short probably about a mile or so.  Normally a 1 mile run wouldn’t make me happy and I would want to push for more but knowing I had worked out this morning and I was choosing to go at the warmest time of the day, plus that whole “first run outside” thing and not knowing how my asthma would choose to react to the pollen and such, I was okay with short and quick.

QUICK IT WAS!!  I was outside for 20 minutes.  5 minutes walking to warm up and 5 mins to cool down, 10 minutes in between running.  I didn’t have a set distance or path, I just planned to run and see how I felt and turn when I felt like my lungs were going to need a break soon.  And of course I planned to map the run when I got home.  It was really warm outside and I’m realizing I think I need to get over my “I hate shorts” issue because running in pants is getting too warm and I think causing my runs to be harder.

But once I got home, I mapped where I ran on mapmyruns.com AND not including any of the walking distance, I physically ran 1.07 miles in 10 minutes flat!  Do you know what that means people?  It means I ran a 9’20” mile!!! 

That’s the best mile time of my life!  I generally would prefer to run a bit slower and go further but for today this was perfect and has given my runs a HUGE confidence boost!  At the gym I’m running 10’45” miles if I’m lucky so this almost seems impossible, but I don’t care - I’ll take it!  I think I need to buy my new Nike + today so I can get outside running more!! Whoohoo!!

Post run & feeling amazing!! Glowing!

A Longing to Go Somewhere

I have this pretty strong need for a trip, to get away for awhile, to go somewhere.  I don’t even need to go somewhere crazy or super far.  I know my sister would love for me to visit her in Africa, which would be fun but my bank account is not feeling up for any trips for me especially one that far away.  And quite honestly, I can’t stop thinking about Boston.  Ever since I got so sentimental and nostalgic the other week, I can’t stop thinking about how much I want to get back to Boston.  I even found myself looking for jobs in Boston.  

CHILL OUT EVERYONE!  I’m not going anywhere!  And I’m not moving!  (And if I do, it would be to another apartment in LA that I could hopefully afford.)

Ever since I lost The Lumineers, I’ve just felt lost.  And it’s been a very difficult thing for me to talk about because I worry people will read too much into how I’m feeling.  While I’ve mentioned to many people how my intuition felt it coming weeks before it actually happened, it still caught me off guard.  Think of it like a break-up.  You’re with someone for years and things are going great but something just feels “off” then BOOM, they end it.  You’re left standing there wondering what happened but also knowing you kind of saw it coming.  It doesn’t make it any easier when it happens because it’s not what you want.

There was this path that I was building in front of me, things were going along smoothly and construction was going fast.  And now there’s something blocking the path and I need to figure out how to get over the hurdle or find a new direction around it.  That’s what I’m trying to figure out now.  Do I want to go over or around?  And how am I going to do this?  What are the steps that I need to take?  What do I want to do?  In the short term, in the long term?  Where do I want to be?  

Weather in LA is nice.  Some of the people that I’ve met here are nice.  But there’s also something missing for me here and I can’t figure out what it is.  The fact that I lost the band because other companies wanted them, proves that I know what I’m doing and I’m good at it.  It means that I should be able to find a new band and do it again, right?  In theory yes but just like after a break up, you have a hard time getting back in the water to look for the next “fish in the sea,” I’m having a hard time getting myself back out there with the same drive and passion I had before.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, please don’t worry about me.  This is a time of exploration and finding myself and what I truly want out of my life.  It scares me.  It intimidates me.  And at times, it really can get to me.  But that’s all a part of this journey we call life and despite those bad days, I’m maintaining optimistic that I will figure out my place and where I’m supposed to be.

But for now, can I please go visit Boston?

Photo taken out of the plane window from one of my trips back East

Song Selections - GO!

Speaking of all this running talk, I need to create a new running (and overall workout) playlist and I want YOUR help.  Taking song selections now.

And GO!

I Run For Life

Today I find myself staring at a blank page trying to decide exactly what I want write about.  While I have quite a few ideas rushing around my brain, I can’t seem to stop and focus on one long enough to actually think it through before it rushes away.  It’s weird.

I always say I want to run a 5k race, yet I never actually do.  It’s not because I can’t run the distance, I can, I think it’s because I get scared and need an extra push.  I always ask people to do 5ks with me and while I can get them interested, it’s up to me to pick the event and that’s usually where my brain takes over and freak out begins making it never actually happen - and then the other person never follows up.  

Lately I’ve been trying to work back into my time and distance from last summer and I seem to be struggling.  I took the winter off because I needed new shoes and now I have new shoes and I’m having trouble getting back into it.  I want to run but my lungs don’t - at least not the distances that I want them to.  I’m trying to take it slow and easy but I’m growing impatient and there are some events coming up that I really want to be ready for.

One of the other amazing things about the company I work for, is their push to support wellness among the employees.  I’m sure most companies have some kind of program or it’s built into their health benefits, Apple is the first company I have worked for where I have seen this kind of a push.  Want to quit smoking?  They want to help.  Having a hard time with something?  They want to help.  Want to lose weight or improve your overall health?  They want to help.

Last year I took place in the “Cardio Challenge 2010” - a fun competition for Apple employees to not only work as a team but also set individual goals to achieve over the course of several weeks.  My personal goal was to run 50 miles (over 8 weeks) which I did (technically I did it in 6 weeks because I started a week late and was sick another week).  At the end I had such a sense of pride (and a new tshirt displaying my goal)!  This year since they’ll be doing it again, I wanted to increase my goal to 100 miles but my lungs have me worrying this may not be possible.

One thing I need to do, is remove myself from the treadmill and get outside but I have this strange fear of running outside.  It’s not a constant fear, it really only comes up near the beginning of each “running season.”  (I make it sound like I’ve been running for a long time but this is really only the 3rd year I’ll be running).  I think it’s really just the stress of figuring out how to carry everything I need (water, keys, ID, probably the inhaler too - stupid asthma).  I bought a Camelback last year and while I loved it, I have this fear over cleaning those things and since you can’t tell what’s going on mid-tube, I feel like I need to replace the tube.  It’s the paranoid person in me wondering if I did a good enough job cleaning that thing and now since it’s been a year since I used it, has it grown stuff I can’t see?  Therefore, I’m kind of steering clear until I can figure out the best way to clean it or just buy a new insert.  The “back pack” part of it obviously still works fine.  The whole thing adds more weight but it keeps my hands free.  Oh! And I need to buy a new Nike + because mine died right after the Cardio Challenge last year (pretty sure I should have been able to get it replaced because it didn’t even last 2 months)! 

All I know is that I need to work on my running - downloading a new running plan now, buying a new Nike + tomorrow, getting over my fear of running outside this season as soon as possible.  It’s just got to happen.

P.S. The title of this post comes from a Melissa Etheridge song called “I Run for Life” which is awesome and if you haven’t heard this song before you need to go to Google and listen to it.  It’s gorgeous and inspiring and it’s Melissa Etheridge which means it’s got to be pretty awesome! :)

DR

I really dislike going to the doctor.  I actually hate it so much that I put it off as much as possible.  And then there are times that I feel like I’ve put it off long enough and break down and just go.  I think the problem is that I never leave feeling fulfilled with the help that I was given.  

You sit in the waiting room for awhile after your originally scheduled appointment.  Then they let you in the room only to have you wait some more, generally in a paper top.  Then they come in, ask you a few questions, generally leave once or twice, come back real quick and then let you get dressed and go - paying $30 on your way out.  But for what?  A 5 minute conversation where the doctor tells you nothing is wrong with you?  Yeah, pretty much.

That’s why I get so frustrated.  When I go sick, they tell me there’s nothing I can do but keep doing what I have been doing.  When I go when I’m healthy but having some issue that lead me there, they generally tell me chances are it will pay but if it doesn’t in the next couple weeks then I should (pay another $30 and) come back.  This gets me nowhere, but $60 poorer.  

I always tell my parents that I’ll go and ask for another list of providers and then something happens, my schedule gets busy and I forget and never make it.  This of course doesn’t make them happy or able to be at ease.  Like how about the fact that I have never gone to the doctor about my fainting spells?  Granted, I haven’t had that many and did go to the ER after the most recent one, but they couldn’t find anything wrong with me.  I know that I need to go and get a quick check up and then at least feel like I have a doctor out here to call “my doctor.”

Anyway, I’m on my rant over doctors right now for a reason:  I think I need to go see one.  Like actually make myself go and go through the process of researching and finding one.  But it’s so intimating to move somewhere kind of new and have to find a new doctor - it’s like a needle in a haystack.  It’s awful and super nerve-racking.

But truth be told - I’m exhausted!  My body goes through these spurts of being so exhausted and tired that I can hardly handle it.  I know sometimes it’s because I wake up early to go to the gym before starting work at 8 but that’s not all that it is.  There’s no excuse for me falling asleep on my couch by 8 most evenings - and sleeping 5 hours before waking up and moving to my bed to sleep for another 5 hours.  

I’m sure it’s probably something simple like a vitamin deficiency, but of course my brain is going into worse case scenario mode and thinking it could be Hypothyroidism (underactive thyroid) or something worse.  I’ve also been told I’m “slightly anemic” which could also be a reason I’m so tired despite the amount of sleep I’m receiving.  

Am I breaking down and finally going to see a doctor and get to the bottom of this?  Once I get through the stack of local doctors, make an appointment and actually go through with said appointment - I’ll let you know. ;)

Over Reaction

What a day. Thankfully my day at work wasn’t that bad, it was stressful at times but overall it wasn’t terrible and the things I needed to do got done and I stayed positive despite everything. Until I got home that is.


That’s because I checked my mail only to find a fun letter from building management about increasing my rent. In this moment of extreme stress and anxiety, I thought they increased my rent $85, but actually it was only increased $35 but I’m still really annoyed. Only a month ago, the company offered to discuss a rate reduction in order for me to stay in my apartment. I put through my request and was denied any reduction because apparently I pay the least in the entire building. DUH! I live in a studio with no balcony - what do you expect?!


Anyway, I know my initial burst into tears over frustration, aggravation and all-on freak out was probably a bit of an over reaction, (if I’m acknowledging it that makes it ok, right?) but it’s also a reminder that I need to be paying attention to my finances more right now. It’s not like I’m spending away (because I’m not) but I need to sit down and figure out how I can be more financially stable.


I’m very lucky to have parents who are supportive, understanding and willing to help when they can but I’m an independent person who wants to have financial stability. Someone who doesn’t want to feel like she owes any more money to her parents (whether they ask for it back or not). Someone who just wants to feel like she’s standing with her own two feet planted firmly on the ground. But instead, every time I feel like I’m building in my roots, a burst of wind comes through and knocks me down. It’s getting extremely frustrating.


Whether it’s $85 or $35, it’s a rent increase that I wasn’t expecting, wasn’t planning for and has thrown me off my game. It’s a rent increase that makes me feel like they may keep doing this to me until they feel my rent is competitive to rest of the building or until it forces me out and they can jack it up to where they want it to be. It feels like even more of a power play and reassures my feelings that they have no soul.

Anyway, in honor of Earth Day yesterday, I decided to get a delicious salad from the Whole Foods salad bar for lunch. Yum! This was also my first time trying Kombucha and I don’t know if it was the flavor, but it was not my thing. I felt like I was drinking vinegar or something. Blech!

Earth Day 2011

Happy Earth Day Party People!

While I find living a healthy lifestyle to also include being generally environmentally conscious, I’m not anyone who runs around preaching their “green” habits or forcing others to be green.  We all have our own ways of doing things and while I think some people need to be more aware of the footprint they are making on this world, I think sometimes people need to stop and see that some people are doing what they can.

I don’t have a large bank account to afford all organic food; I do try to eat what I can and living a vegetarian lifestyle that is easier on some levels.

I don’t live close enough to work to be able to bike, walk, run, etc; I do now have a bike so once I get it checked out / repaired, I will feel more comfortable using it to bike to the gym, grocery store or on other short trips in my neighborhood (and surrounding neighborhoods when I’m ready).

I have re-usable grocery bags that while I don’t remember every time I make a trip to the grocery store, they do come with me 90% of the time.

I re-use the paper bags from Trader Joe’s to hold my recyclables and the plastic bags from Target and other grocery stores as liners for my small trash cans.  I say that’s pretty good use of something that would otherwise go to waste.

I have several coffee tumblers and mugs and I’m not great about bringing those with me everyday, I’m working on making a habit of that and not only saving 10 cents off my coffee, avoiding use of another cup!

Speaking of coffee...if you bring a re-usable tumbler to Starbucks tomorrow, you get a free cup of coffee!  And if you don’t have one, you can get a discount on the purchase of one, plus your free cup of coffee!  Guess who will definitely be remembering her coffee mug today?

It’s the little things people.  You don’t need to go totally crazy.  You can and if you can, that’s great for you, but not everyone can do that.  And I’m standing in front of you right now, telling you that’s okay and I understand.

Now grab your coffee mug, hit up Starbucks for that free cup, take your re-usable bags with you to the grocery store and just be conscious of your actions.  That’s all anyone can ask of you.

Happy Earth Day!

LOVE this Earth Day Google Logo

This made me laugh